For Rent:

• Balcony Ready
• Cables
• Ceiling Gland(s)
• Garden Tube
• Softwood Flooring (no shoes!)
• Microwave-safe
• Washer & Dryer Ready For Emotional Connections
• 9' Ceilings w/ crown mold infestation (Aspergillus coronae)
• Fitness center with state of the art snack bar
• Serene swimming pool with tropical water imported from Amazon river (must have up to date vaccinations prior to swimming)
• Parasitic Garages
• Walk-in kitchens
• Fully equipped crack den
• Clubroom with fireplace and up to code sacrificial altar
• Computer niche*

*in select units**

**I'm sorry I just really like asterisks