For rent: mcflurry. Wait, mom?

For rent: 3 bedroom, 1 "bedroom," 1 bath.  Never involved in a collision.  hard wood floors if you must know.  Perfect for someone with recent bariatric surgery.  Nice neighborhood, HORSE FREE.  Off street windows available.  Reverse toilets standard.  Walking distance to anything technically, depending on how long you're willing to spend.  Concierge service at nearby hotel for registered hotel guests.

For rent: rental sign.  Reads "for rent."  Free I guess.  It's basically impossible to advertise this thing through signage.

For rent: $300 dollars.  Cash currency in convenient denominations.  Useful for acquiring goods and services.  $315.  Oh wait that's a bank. Yeah, we're a bank.

For rent: gun.  No questions asked.  Must be fired before return.

Lease to own: split-level colonial 4 bedrooms 1 bath. Empty until you arrive. I'm waiting when you get here, just like we're all waiting on the inside. You turn to walk away but its all theatre, all theatre. You look at me questioningly for a time and then your gaze grows steady and assured. There's a sadness to you. "You know Marilyn Monroe would be 96 now" you remark. "Maybe its better this way," you say chucking but your tone betrays you. There is no better, there is no worse. There's only motion; light and motion converging together as time. I'm all out of time. I carry you out into the sea to wash you. Your skin flakes defeatedly in my hand. The tide comes in. I give you a bath. I give you a bath. I give you a bath. We both regret. The aching stops and then starts again. Walking distance to train. Off street parking available.

For rent: large attic apartment 10 minutes from downtown copenhagen.  Good for families.  Quiet tenants only.  Must wear socks at all times (no shoes!) must pay cash due to commercial zoning.  Diary friendly.

1 room vacancy in 3 room apartment.  Windowless, unfurnished, unlit metal box.  Exit once per year.  Do not look directly at the master when exiting.  Rent free.  Utilities not included.

For sale: oboe.  $85 OBO

For rent: 3rd generation canoe, 21' long 3' wide, combat tested, will not sink with amulet (separate).  Asking price is necklace of human teeth (preferably Asian) OBO.

For rent: 3br with hbo (game of thrones, girls, true blood, curb your enthusiasm, veep) showtime (dexter, homeland, the tudors, weeds) amc (breaking bad, mad men, walking dead).  $1050 per month.  Bring popcorn.

For immediate occupancy: town house, good condition, great for groups of three or more.  Couples ok.  Front and rear access available.  Downstairs is totally shaved.  Fit, adventurous, attractive.  Rent is 8.5", uncut.

For rent: small house in impossibly quiet neighborhood, two bedrooms per month (not consecutive), pets ok unless provoked.  hard HARD wood floors, wall to wall ceilings, owner occupied (supposedly), fully Y2K compliant, call now.

For rent: 2br 1 bath.  Second story walk up in crown heights.  $1700/m, 1.5 mo security required at signing.  Spacious living room, kitchenette, small balcony.  Off street parking available for 1 spot, additional passes available for added fee.  No smoking, pets ok.  Not available.