6/07/2013

For rent: seasonal vacation home, great for couples and families, mediocre for lonesome losers such as yourself. Short walk to the beach when accompanied by someone who cares deeply about you; grueling, interminable death march for those unburdened by the love of another. Two car garage perfect for two cars, excessive for only one. King size bed in master bedroom. That's a full 76" by 80" of surface, of which you'd cover, what, a third? Especially when you curl up into a sad little ball the way you always do whenever you're the slightest bit introspective. That's all you are, really – a sad little ball that nobody wants to play with. $400/wk

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