For rent: apartment in central kingston. Features:
  • Surprisingly tall lofted beds
  • Upholstered showers
  • Involuntary bidet system
  • Fewer than 5 violent crimes annually**
  • Thailand
  • Cable. Miles and miles of cable.
  • Ambulance always unsettlingly idling outside the door
  • No blood stains
  • Man servant (female)
  • Ooze
  • Poster of bo derek available on request
  • 24 hour security (use them wisely, 24 hours is all you're getting)
  • Mail service
**Zero violent crimes to be exact

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