For rent: affordable studio loft in converted warehouse in downtown Austin. Move in immediate, but you know that living here is killing your mother. Parking on street, safe neighborhood. She worked her whole life to give you every opportunity and you majored in fine arts, christ. High ceilings, exposed brick, rustic industrial feel. Your grandparents grew up in the great depression and fought World War II as teenagers and then came home to build the greatest middle class in human history and what do you do with it? You god damn hipsters went and made poverty cool. We could have put up sheetrock. It looks nice and it holds heat better, but then it wouldn't look like an old converted factory so we couldn't charge as much. You'll be cold at night, heating is through the roof, but that's on you not us. Tell you what, don't rent here. Go home. Get a job as a dental hygienist. Call your mother. Shave your ironic mustache and stop watching Lena Dunham, she isn't funny.

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